Overwhelmed (but happy !)

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Holla !

I have a lot of things in my mind lately… overwhelming !

I do love my life, but it’s so hard to have everything (relationships, family, work, health, workout, creativity, being myself, fun….). But I think I’m doing pretty good. I used to be really bad… always focusing on ONE thing at a time : going out to much, having little sleep, bad eating habits… or working out too much and no time for my friends… I have a huge tendency  for addictions…

 

Lately, I’ve reconnected with some friends (feels good !), I’ve been working out 5 times a week, going out, calling my family, and doing pretty good for my job.

BUT, I still feel like I miss something. A dream… my closest friends… a true meaning for my life.

I read an amazing book (a French one =) ) and it truly kicked my butt. I read a few sentences and it was exactly my life/how I felt when I was younger/how I react… It was so overwhelming. I don’t even know how to explain.

Sometimes, I feel almost no one can understand me (except my closest friends and family because we have the same kind of personality)… And when I read this book, I just wish people could read it and understand…

 

Don’t get me wrong, I know a lot of amazing people (I like to see the positive in everyone, we are all different and interesting). But when you feel different, it can be really painful.

 

When you care too much, you get hurt…

When you think too much, you just can’t go with the flow…

When you feel too much, it can be great (I don’t need much to be really happy) but also really hard (I don’t need much to feel down)…

When you have 1000 things in your head, it’s complicated for people to stay connected (or for you to stay connected with people…)

 

In the past years, I’ve learn to handle my personality and to accept it… And I found out if I feel good about myself, then people don’t care if I’m like that.

The book showed me a lot of potential. I felt so stupid in the past, so inadequate for this world. But now I just feel like myself. I’m not dumb, I’m not bad, I’m not an alien, I’m not ugly. I’m just human.

And now, I need more dreams =)

Right now, I just want to volunteer in a child hospital (and keep my work of course !)…

 

I just hope I wasn’t too boring. But I needed to say this (even if I just say 2% of the things I feel right now)

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