The wrong choices

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I just graduated from my engineering school and I’m looking for an job. I chose aerospace because I liked physics and maths, not because I was crazy about aircrafts…. It probably sounds weird, but all of my friends, who are studying aerospace engineering, are passionate about it… And I’m not…

When I think about my life, my choices, sometimes I think I did a big mistake.  “I saw the light, so I came in” (I just translated some French, so maybe my sentence doesn’t have any sense, but anyway…).

I wanted to do something to help people, something close to the nature, the human body, something that makes me feel useful.

I started my eating disorders right after highschool, because I was studying maths/physics/engineering sciences and even if I was good at it, this life didn’t make any sense. I felt I was trapped, lost and had no choices, and no solutions. So I got really depressed. Real depression, no energy, I had to seat in my shower because I had zero energy. The only thing I was thinking about was my death but I didn’t want to hurt my mother… Anyway, during my exams, my body said “STOP”. In France, you study for 2 years like crazy (when I say crazy, I mean it, little sleep, class all day, one 4-hours exam every week, 2 oral exams every week too… No time to workout or see your friends, eat as fast as possible and go back to your books…). After the 2 years, you have 3 or 4 weeks of exams (the written part)… then the oral exams… So my body just gave up during the exams : 3 weeks of exams =  1 surgery for my collar bone the first week, 1 surgery for a cyst and 3 spins inside of me the second week (emergency and I had to stay at the hospital for a bit because it was pretty bad…) and an massive allergic reaction the third week… I wasn’t sick for 2 years, and just for the 3 most important weeks, I had to go to the emergency room three times, and had several surgeries… FATE ? I don’t think so… I know that deep inside of me I really didn’t want to take those exams (the doctor told me my cyst was stress-related).

I was lucky, because even if I didn’t take the exams, I was accepted in a good school… And then I had the chance to go to the USA for a year. I’m still not crazy about my major though, but for the first time of my life, I felt alive and truly happy when I was studying abroad. I met some amazing people and had a lot of fun!

I’m so grateful that I make the wrong choice for my studies because I met some of my bestfriends and I found myself.

I know my major is not the thing I want to do with my life, but I don’t want to change my past and my choices. I just want to make my next choices the right ones. I actually think I can enjoy my job as long as I found the right engineering project for me and I keep some balance in my life. I also feel that I want to switch my major and study something else because I’m scared… just scared of the real world… scared of growing up…

So I’m thinking about finding a job as an engineer and see how it goes… It’s not about the major, it’s more about the team I’ll be working with, the project, the place where I live, the people I’ll meet, how I’ll balance my personnal/professional life…

But I want to study nutrition/wellness, while working full time as a engineer. So maybe one day, if I don’t enjoy my job anymore, I’ll have a chance to switch my job and do something I’m passionate about.

I have learnt so much the past 2 years… I can’t regret my choices. I’m in a better place now than ever, even if sometimes it’s hard and I have to find for my happiness. I WANT TO FIGHT FOR IT!

My friends, my family, the healthy living community, my therapist, my wrong choices, me … all this help me a lot, and even if my life is not perfect, I want to keep going and follow my spiritual path.

It’s really hard for me to explain everything, because I don’t even know how to express my feelings,  how happy and grateful I’m… And now I can see the positive aspect of the bad things that happened to me, and it feels good !

My message is probably confusing but apparently, I needed to talk :p

 

Do you think you can achieve happiness without your dream job ? Do you regret your “wrong choices” ?

8 responses »

  1. I think that happiness comes from a variety of things, and your job can be a big part of that, but it doesn’t have to make or break your happiness as long as you’re not doing something you hate just because you’re afraid of change or to move on. See where your career path goes. Maybe you’ll end up loving your next job, or maybe it will be what makes you decide you want to do something else with your life. Either way, one choice will never be your last choice. You’ll have to continuously be figuring things out to ensure your happiness. I hope everything works out!

  2. I don’t think you can really make “wrong choices” when it comes to choosing a career path. Every choice you make brings you closer to figuring out exactly what you would like to do! I think that everyone at some point has doubts about their job, and that’s perfectly normal. No career is sunshine and rainbows 24/7! That being said, if you are truly unhappy with your job, you should reevaluate your situation. I hope you you figure out everything!

  3. I’m in a similar situation because I studied political science and economics and have no desire to pursue either of those haha. I want to go into nutrition or something related, but I’m not sure where I should go next, so hopefully we figure it out!

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