I just graduated from my engineering school and I’m looking for an job. I chose aerospace because I liked physics and maths, not because I was crazy about aircrafts…. It probably sounds weird, but all of my friends, who are studying aerospace engineering, are passionate about it… And I’m not…
When I think about my life, my choices, sometimes I think I did a big mistake. “I saw the light, so I came in” (I just translated some French, so maybe my sentence doesn’t have any sense, but anyway…).
I wanted to do something to help people, something close to the nature, the human body, something that makes me feel useful.
I started my eating disorders right after highschool, because I was studying maths/physics/engineering sciences and even if I was good at it, this life didn’t make any sense. I felt I was trapped, lost and had no choices, and no solutions. So I got really depressed. Real depression, no energy, I had to seat in my shower because I had zero energy. The only thing I was thinking about was my death but I didn’t want to hurt my mother… Anyway, during my exams, my body said “STOP”. In France, you study for 2 years like crazy (when I say crazy, I mean it, little sleep, class all day, one 4-hours exam every week, 2 oral exams every week too… No time to workout or see your friends, eat as fast as possible and go back to your books…). After the 2 years, you have 3 or 4 weeks of exams (the written part)… then the oral exams… So my body just gave up during the exams : 3 weeks of exams = 1 surgery for my collar bone the first week, 1 surgery for a cyst and 3 spins inside of me the second week (emergency and I had to stay at the hospital for a bit because it was pretty bad…) and an massive allergic reaction the third week… I wasn’t sick for 2 years, and just for the 3 most important weeks, I had to go to the emergency room three times, and had several surgeries… FATE ? I don’t think so… I know that deep inside of me I really didn’t want to take those exams (the doctor told me my cyst was stress-related).
I was lucky, because even if I didn’t take the exams, I was accepted in a good school… And then I had the chance to go to the USA for a year. I’m still not crazy about my major though, but for the first time of my life, I felt alive and truly happy when I was studying abroad. I met some amazing people and had a lot of fun!
I’m so grateful that I make the wrong choice for my studies because I met some of my bestfriends and I found myself.
I know my major is not the thing I want to do with my life, but I don’t want to change my past and my choices. I just want to make my next choices the right ones. I actually think I can enjoy my job as long as I found the right engineering project for me and I keep some balance in my life. I also feel that I want to switch my major and study something else because I’m scared… just scared of the real world… scared of growing up…
So I’m thinking about finding a job as an engineer and see how it goes… It’s not about the major, it’s more about the team I’ll be working with, the project, the place where I live, the people I’ll meet, how I’ll balance my personnal/professional life…
But I want to study nutrition/wellness, while working full time as a engineer. So maybe one day, if I don’t enjoy my job anymore, I’ll have a chance to switch my job and do something I’m passionate about.
I have learnt so much the past 2 years… I can’t regret my choices. I’m in a better place now than ever, even if sometimes it’s hard and I have to find for my happiness. I WANT TO FIGHT FOR IT!
My friends, my family, the healthy living community, my therapist, my wrong choices, me … all this help me a lot, and even if my life is not perfect, I want to keep going and follow my spiritual path.
It’s really hard for me to explain everything, because I don’t even know how to express my feelings, how happy and grateful I’m… And now I can see the positive aspect of the bad things that happened to me, and it feels good !
My message is probably confusing but apparently, I needed to talk :p
Do you think you can achieve happiness without your dream job ? Do you regret your “wrong choices” ?