Overwhelmed (but happy !)

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Holla !

I have a lot of things in my mind lately… overwhelming !

I do love my life, but it’s so hard to have everything (relationships, family, work, health, workout, creativity, being myself, fun….). But I think I’m doing pretty good. I used to be really bad… always focusing on ONE thing at a time : going out to much, having little sleep, bad eating habits… or working out too much and no time for my friends… I have a huge tendency  for addictions…

 

Lately, I’ve reconnected with some friends (feels good !), I’ve been working out 5 times a week, going out, calling my family, and doing pretty good for my job.

BUT, I still feel like I miss something. A dream… my closest friends… a true meaning for my life.

I read an amazing book (a French one =) ) and it truly kicked my butt. I read a few sentences and it was exactly my life/how I felt when I was younger/how I react… It was so overwhelming. I don’t even know how to explain.

Sometimes, I feel almost no one can understand me (except my closest friends and family because we have the same kind of personality)… And when I read this book, I just wish people could read it and understand…

 

Don’t get me wrong, I know a lot of amazing people (I like to see the positive in everyone, we are all different and interesting). But when you feel different, it can be really painful.

 

When you care too much, you get hurt…

When you think too much, you just can’t go with the flow…

When you feel too much, it can be great (I don’t need much to be really happy) but also really hard (I don’t need much to feel down)…

When you have 1000 things in your head, it’s complicated for people to stay connected (or for you to stay connected with people…)

 

In the past years, I’ve learn to handle my personality and to accept it… And I found out if I feel good about myself, then people don’t care if I’m like that.

The book showed me a lot of potential. I felt so stupid in the past, so inadequate for this world. But now I just feel like myself. I’m not dumb, I’m not bad, I’m not an alien, I’m not ugly. I’m just human.

And now, I need more dreams =)

Right now, I just want to volunteer in a child hospital (and keep my work of course !)…

 

I just hope I wasn’t too boring. But I needed to say this (even if I just say 2% of the things I feel right now)

And I tried Crossfit !

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First of all, I’m sorry. I’ve been MIA again ! But I’m so busy, I just have a little time to check my favorite blogs… so I have no time to post ….

 

Anyway… A short post to let you know I’m still alive and happy !

 

I tried Crossfit this week and I’m in love like everyone ! I’m gonna buy a membership but I will keep my gym membership because I love BodyFlow and RPM too. It’s pretty expensive to have two gym memberships (and a horse…) but working out is one of my favorite thing on earth ! Since I’m not really a “shopping/fashion” kind of girl, and I dont drink, I guess I can afford this =)

 

I dont like when the gym is crowded, so Crossfit is perfect ! Yesterday we were only 3 ! And 2 trainers !

The workouts are short but hard. The first class, I thought I was about to puke :p (and the trainer told me “you wont be the first …” Well, no thanks !

 

Anyway, I’ll try to post soon !

 

Take care =)

Hello !

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I’m sorry because I have no time to post lately…

I’m trying to find a way to balance my life. It’s hard. I have a great job but it takes a lot of time, I keep wokring out (but just 4 times a week), my family, my horse, my friends, sleep, healthy eating… It’s soooooooooooo hard.

But I’ll post soon =)

Take care

Trainer

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Workout

Last Wednesday, I had an appointment with the trainer at my gym. She was great. We talked and I told her what kind of workout I was looking for. And she made me a workout schedule. 2 BodyFlow per week, one cycling, and one BodyPump and 1 or 2 weights/cardio workouts (depends if I do BodyPump)

The weights/cardio workout is : 10’ warm-up + weight lifting, then 30min (or more) cardio + stretching => full body workout, almost no rest between the sets (I can do my workout as a circuit training or supersets), heavy weights…

She paid attention to my “body specificities” : shoulders press are too painful for me, I don’t want to focus too much on my legs (they are muscular enough and I run/do clycling a lot so I need some rest), I had an harmstring injury, my back is a bit weak….

Back extension, biceps curls, dips, leg press, butterfly chest, shoulders…. 8 to 12 reps depending on the body part (aww I forgot the 4 sets of 15 dips… I did it today, it was a killer !!)

 

I tried my new workout today, and it was hard but I loved it ! I feel strong ! And I leg pressed about 260 lbs (120kg/inclined leg press/for me it’s a lot ! ) whooooooo

This trainer was all I needed to be back on track =)

 

Food

It’s going really well too. Intuitive eating is definitely the key. But I focus more on protein and fat lately (but I have some carbs at every meal !). Reading blogs really help, and I really appreciate Lauren’s or Meg’s….

 

Some eats now : 

Whole wheat pancake with star fruits, strawberries, coconut and hazelnut butter

Tomato Eggplant + Spelt crepe with 2 eggs, some cheese and black beans : really filling !

Lots of things ! Raw mushrooms, avocado, carrot, brocoli, black beans and shrimps (cooked in coconut oil !)

 

 

Back + enlightening book =)

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My laptop passed out…. so no laptop for a month !

So for a few weeks, i had no tv, no internet, no laptop… just my phone…. Technology diet ! But i actually enjoyed it ! It helps me to focus more about my real life, and myself =) But I’m glad I have my laptop back in my life (and I bought a TV too :p )

 

I’ve been really busy and I really really love my life right now ! My job is really interesting, my team is so fun and nice !

 

I also made some “dietary changes”. I’m a former vegetarian (then almost vegan then vegetarian) but in fall i started eating fish again because I had huge cravings for salmon ! And it was awesome, I felt so good, no guilty, healthy….

Then in december I started eating chicken again because I had some cravings…. but then I started to eat more meat than I was actually craving because I went back to a “lower carb/high protein” mentality … I dont know why, but sometimes I just start thinking “i need to cut my carbs and eat more chicken to look better” even if I was really healthy…. and I stopped my intuitive eating, started feeling guilty about the chicken (former vegetarian for ethics)… and started to indulge too much (more than I actually wanted), gained weight, overeat, restrict (“i need to eat just chicken+veggies because I ate way too much yesterday…)…. No good at all !

But my “technology diet” really helped me go through it ! I took some time to think about my past eating habits … When did i feel healthy ? when did I loose/gain weight ? when and what food I was eating when I had a lot of energy and was happy ? how did i do ? how i felt ?

And then I realized than i wasn’t paying attention to my body anymore, and I was listening to some rules (“no carbs at night”, “meat and veggies”, “no saturated fat”…AND IT ‘S NOT RIGHT ! When I used the ‘intuitive eating ” mentality, my body never ever betrayed me. If I wanted some butter, I’d have it (and my body doesnt crave huge amount of it). If I really want some oatmeal with mealted dark chocolate as my dinner, why not ? Its better than eating my fish and veggies and then binge on cereals !

I don’t eat any meat lately (just fish because I truly love it :) ) but I won’t call myself a pescetarian (I don’t need this title to define myself =) ). If one day I crave it, I’ll eat it ! I crave fish/seafood several times a week but no everyday…

 

Intuitive eating, and mindfullness are so important in my life ! I feel so much better and relaxed (Thanks Carbs ! )

 

I’ve been reading an awesome book ! “The gifts of imperfection” by Brene Brown … such an amazing book. It’s about being yourself. The best book I’ve ever read. I have no words to describe it, but it’s really helpful =)

 

Have you ever read this book ?

 Food rules or intuitive eating ?

I’m alive !

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Life

Sorry i’ve been MIA for a while now !

But I moved in a new city, started a new job, met new people, found a new gym, a new apartment, bought everything for my apartment, went out… Really busy !!

I haven’t really workout but some of my co-workers are going to the same gym than me so I have some workout buddies now =) They go to BodyPump, cycling, but also to the weight lifting room (so they can spot me when I do some bench press =) ).

I like my new job and my team seems really nice ! I used to think the work place wasn’t for me but I actually really enjoy it ! It’s hard sometimes (I have a lot to learn) but my co-workers are really helpful.

 

I just did 2 Bodypump in the past 3 months (because of my injury) and when I went to the class last week, the trainer told me that I did really good for a come back =) (I didn’t really decreased my weights). Muscle memory ? Most likely !

I forgot ! One of my co-worker also wants to do an half marathon ! So I also have a “running buddy” =)

 

Food

I ate crap for a while and found myself unable to focus, or having some sugar high/sugar crash. Now I’m trying to find the right amount of carb (enough to have energy, but not too much so I’m not lethargic). It’s complicated, the limit between too much and too little is really tiny !

I don’t like the “low carb” thing, and if I don’t have carbs at lunch, I’ll probably have a huge craving at night !

But too much carbs makes me sleepy…

Friday I had some veggies, one sweet potato and some chicken (cooked with coconut oil) and it was perfect ! (focus and energy until my afternoon snack !)

But Wednesday I have some chicken and brown rice (quite a lot) and I felt terrible until 4pm…

 

A meal like that is perfect to me :

A glass of kombucha

Cauliflower, chicken, tomato and millet (made with squash nuts and a few raisins)

 

Are you sensitive to carbs ? What is the amount of carbs that your body can handle ? How do you do ?

 

OMG

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When I saw this picture, I was shocked! The differences between a 120lb and 250lb woman! Some people workout so they can eat whatever they want, some because they want to look good, others because it gives them energy, or because it’s an accomplishment… Lots and lots of reasons to workout! But when I look at this picture, all I think is “being in shape is really really important and not only because you want to look good, but mostly because you want to feel good!”

When I gain some weight (just a few pounds), I have more joint pains, my lower back is painful…. And I’m not overweight… So if I were obese, I can’t imagine how painful it will be for me (Disclaimer : I’m really not judging people who are overweight, don’t get me wrong. Everyone is different, and as long as you are happy with your body, that’s all that matters =) ).  For my frame (small bones), I can’t gain to much weight or it will really hurt me… Like when I’m at my heavier weight (aka post holiday weight :p), I have more ankle pain when I run, my abs are not strong enough to keep my back straight, and I have less energy.

So right now, I’m still at my heavier weight and I don’t feel awesome. I did a bodypump class today and it wasn’t the best.

But I’m starting my new work Wednesday, so I’ll be really busy and be in my own place (now I’m at my sister). So I’ll stop eating (I eat when I’m bored ! Yeah kinda an emotional eater but I don’t feel guilty about it anymore !), and have a better workout schedule. I found a gym which is open at 7am (In France, most gyms are open after 9am !) so I’ll wake up at 6:30am, grab a banana or some dates, workout from 7 to 8, take a shower at my gym, eat my breakfast and be at work before 9am =). With this plan, I will be able to focus more on my work (once my workout is done, I don’t need to stress about it “If I’m leaving work too late, I won’t workout… How I’m gonna do it ?”. )

My new workout plan is :

Monday : Weight lifting (Full body)

Tuesday : Cycling

Wednesday : Cardio (Run most likely) (or BodyFlow at 8pm ?)

Thursday : BodyPump

Friday : Cardio (Run or elliptical)

Saturday : off

Sunday : BodyFlow (yoga/pilates/tai chi)

 

Or maybe I’ll workout Saturday instead of a weekday ?

 

Did you notice a big difference when you workout depending on you weight ? Energy levels ? Pains ?